Boris Johnson – Boris makes heartfelt non-apology for being BorisNewsBiscuit
During his 4593rd Downing Street press conference, PM and Finger Puppet in Chief for the military wing of the Tory party, Boris Johnson, was forced into making a new non-apology.
The non-apology, which coincided with international Non-Apology Day, was made to the accompaniment of a Violin Aria played by Professor Chris Whitty and Jean Claude Van-Tam. Deputy Assistant Science Thingy Jenny Parping accompanied with her mezzo-soprano. A contrite Mr Johnson stared at his badly scuffed shoes the whole way through.
‘Blame me. I did it. Or rather, I didn’t do anything at all, which is much the same thing, and besides, it could all be someone else’s fault and believe me they’ll be hell to pay when I found out who it is. In the meantime, I take full non-responsibility for being myself.
So I wish to non-apologise if people have lost a loved one, lost their jobs, or are in fact dead and buried already. I realise of course that this could be a terrible inconvenience. However, I have to tell the British people that I’m still the PM, have a jolly whoppingly large majority, and frankly, that’s all that counts.’
Posted: Jan 28th, 2021 by oshaughnessy