If you have a loved one going through a difficult time, it can be a challenge to figure out how to show you care. You have a lot of options, of course, but they can sometimes feel overwhelming or expensive. The good news is there are plenty of ways to support someone you love through a trying time that won’t break the bank. The key is to remember to keep it simple, keep it thoughtful, and emphasize spending time over spending money.
Share a Meal
There’s just something about food that can be so comforting to someone having a hard time. Plus, many people struggling with loss or trauma find it difficult to feed themselves. This inability to provide basic self-care can cause feelings of depression or anxiety to become even worse. So, your loved one may end up feeling like they can’t heal from being hurt on any kind of “normal” trajectory.
You can offer a tremendous amount of support by providing one of the best sympathy gift ideas — food. You can go to your friend or family member’s house and cook together, or you can bring a prepared meal over and heat it up on the stove or in the oven. If you’re not local to your loved one, you could send a gift basket that includes classic comfort foods like soups, cookies, snacks, and teas. That way, you’ll know you provided easy-to-prepare meals and snacks.
Go for a Walk
Another cheap, or even free, way to support someone in the throes of suffering would be to get them outside. Lack of movement is another way that sadness can quickly turn to depression. Especially during the colder, darker months, if someone is hurting, it can feel so easy to isolate, buy under the covers, and refuse to come out. The problem is that it’s that much harder to heal when you want to.
Show up in your activewear and encourage your friend or family member to get out with you. If you have a lovely park to visit, maybe a central lake to walk around, or a nice brisk hike to take, get out there! Gentle movements can get the endorphins going, which contribute to a positive outlook. Even if it’s absolutely stormy outside, see if you two can join a local yoga class or walk on the treadmill together at the gym. Every little step will help.
Watch a Movie
Then there are those days when your friend or family member just can’t bring themselves to move. Virtually everyone going through dark times has those moments when they want to burrow in and zone out. That’s OK too. Rather than insisting they get out with you right now, you can relate to their need to simply be calm and quiet inside. Acknowledge that your loved one is not quite ready to face the day.
Instead, you can show up with their favorite movie on DVD, or pull up your streaming service on their Smart TV. Build a couch fort complete with blankets, pillows, popcorn, and other snacks, and burrow into comfort with them. You can even make it a movie marathon day, or you can stream some mindless series like The Vampire Diaries or The Real Housewives. Let them take their mind off the hurt, and sit with them through it all, gossiping or giggling when you can.
Buy a Cup of Coffee or Tea
Maybe, to get your friend or family member out and moving, you can plan a date at a local cafe. Coffee shops are great places to show up, take up space, be in a warm environment, and still be mostly left alone. If you’ve got a cafe like this that you both love, it’s a good first step to getting them back out into the world. Restaurants can feel overwhelming because of the need to order and respond to a stranger at your table, but cafes allow for a bit more anonymity.
Invite your loved one to sit at the table with you, and promise to order the coffee or tea and snacks. Take the time in advance to choose a cafe that has a cozy back corner where you can be left alone. Pick a day and time when you can be pretty sure the coffee shop won’t be bustling with activity. Offer to pick up your friend or family member and drive them to the location. Then, all they have to do is agree and get in the car. Maybe you two can take a walk afterward.
Pick up the Phone
Finally, maybe all of these plans fail. Your friend or family member is too deep in their grief and hurt to open the door to company, to get out and socialize, or to show up in any way. If they’re in the early days of suffering, this response can be totally normal, especially for highly sensitive people. Grief can be an all-encompassing darkness that refuses to let any light in. And though you might want to sit with your friend in the dark, they may not be ready for that.
Alas, all is not lost. You can still pick up the phone and make a call. It may be the first, and only, step they’re willing to accept. Call your friend or family member and express your sympathy and support. Offer to listen if they need to talk. If they won’t pick up the phone, leave a message letting them know you’re here. You can also send a text message to check in. Offering a digital hug is better than not offering any connection at all.
In the end, only you know your friend or family member and what might be the most appropriate way to express your support. Just know that it doesn’t have to break the bank. Often, it doesn’t have to cost any money at all. Start slow with a phone call or text, and build your way toward afternoon walks along the river or stops at the coffee shop. Many times, knowing someone is there for you when you emerge from the darkness can make all the difference in the world.
